Just because I haven’t posted much lately doesn’t mean I’ve not been writing. I’ve actually been writing a lot. A huge amount. A shit-tonne, if you will. It’s all been in fits and spurts – some days, I write pages and pages and pages whilst consuming endless cups of coffee. Some days, I stare at my computer screen or notebook pages and simply contemplate life and wonder where all of my potential went. And there are times when I write absolutely nothing for weeks or months. But at the moment, I’ve got a stockpile of writing that was meant to be read and very little time for creating new content. Because of this, I’ve decided to brush it off, shine it up and give it to you, dear reader. The thing is, a lot of it won’t have nearly as much chronological relevance now, since much of it was written in relation to the holidays, the new year, etc. so it’ll seem just a tiny bit out of sync. (If you have a really serious need for your time to be perfectly linear, this probably isn’t the place for you.)
I know it’s March, but it’s still early enough in the year to be thinking about New Year’s Resolutions and things of that nature. So there.
I used to hold such great stock in New Year’s Resolutions. The feeling of a new year, a new opportunity to create new experiences and become a brand new me. I used to hold great stock in a lot of other stupid shit too.
These days, I tend to think that if you want to make changes, the time is whenever you’re ready. There is no need to wait for January 1st and there is no reason to feel pressured to make changes just because January 1st is coming up. Ultimately, it’s a fairly arbitrary date and holds little significance in how you should be feeling about your life choices. I say this boldly, but even though I don’t give a shit about New Year’s Resolutions as such, I seem to be making a lot of changes and taking stock of the past twelve months.
It’s been a long year. A long, fucking difficult year on a lot of levels. I’ve suffered some serious losses, had reason to question my personal choices and wondered where this road was taking me. But I’ve also had the opportunity to figure out some big things that I want in my life and that’s no mean feat. Nor is developing a much greater appreciation for the beauty in life. The beauty in my life, lately, has been the love and the caring of many good people – friends and family who’ve picked me up and dusted me off and supported me and encouraged me.
Between the sadness and the losses and the learning and the perspective-gaining, it’s been quite a full year. I’d like to complain that it was difficult. I’d like to kick and scream against the shitty bits – sometimes, I do kick and scream. But I’ve also taken the time to embrace all the good that has come of this year. Because even with all the shit, I’ve gained quite a lot: perspective, insight, some difficult life lessons. I figured out a more solid career path, made some important plans, and I’ve experienced love. And I think that’s a really beautiful thing.