Stupid Hats

Can I just take a minute to talk about how much I hate those hats with the hole on top that everyone seems so excited about? Because I really fucking hate them. Maybe ‘hate’ is a strong word, and maybe it’s silly to feel so strongly about hats, but I hate them, and can we stop calling them hats? Because they’re not really hats. They’re some weird, unnecessary hybrid of hat and headband.

If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, it’s called a ‘Messy Bun Hat’. You can Google it. Or… here’s a bunch of patterns.

You’re probably wondering why I hate them so much. Oh boy, let me tell you.

First of all. I hate the way they look. Is it a hat? It looks like it’s not finished. Why isn’t it finished? I mean, I understand the struggle of wanting to wear a hat without messing up your hair. Especially when your hair is in a bun or a ponytail. But here’s the thing – you can wear a headband. You know the ones. The big wide headbands that keep your ears warm without covering or messing up your hair. Yeah. They already exist. And people are losing their minds over these fucking hats. Hats that will actually kinda mess up your hair anyway. Have you ever actually had to pull a ponytail or a bun through a hole in the back of your hat? Like a baseball cap? Half the time, you have to adjust your hair so it fits through the hole in the right place and it pulls on your hair and your shit gets all messed up. So, if you really want to keep your ears warm and your hair in a bun, please, for the love of Spock, just wear a headband. I’ll even make you one.

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